Sunday, December 14, 2008

#3 Chacos


Chacos.

Part sandal part hiking shoe---all sexy.

Hip Young Christians always feel the need to go against the grain--by emulating each other and passing it off as originality.

According to my records, Chacos blew onto the scene in the late summer/fall of 2007. I was working at a Young Life camp doing a week of manual labor just outside of Colorado Springs. The first morning I was lounging outside of the dining hall, lamenting another day of lacquering window frames, when all of the sudden some of my male commarades come stomping out...in strap-ons.

As I gaze onto the rugged mountains that are our fate for the week, I can't help but wonder..."WHAT THE FUCK?"

Hip young christians love Chacos. As a rational person you are probably already wondering how this brand continues to thrive and exist, but I challenge you--next time you are at a coffee shop or an Invisible Children screening, look down. At least 65% of the people will be wearing Chacos.

HYCs are very defensive of their expensive and impractical choice of footgear. Some common word vomit:

(disclamer-- I have heard all of these excuses personally)

1. Bro, they're just so practical...its like a foot mullet! Best of both worlds! (cue high-five)
2. They're light and comfortable! (false)
3. They go with everything (false, they look shiteous with everything)
4. They have a lifetime warranty! (with $20 s&h and a 6 week wait)
5. They're practical! (no)
6. They're cute! (see item #3)

A final note on my Chaco rant:

Guys--with the acquisition of Chacos comes the acquisition of responsibility. I implore you, if you must make this mistake, TAKE CARE OF YOUR TOES/FEET. You will not score a wife or a super-trendy girlfriend with ashy, calloused feet and toe nails fit for weaponry.

Girls--please, please, please, no Chacos at church. It's just tacky. Just stick with your exruciatingly preplanned pew runway outfit and leave the Chacos for summer camp, where we all make certain forgiveable mistakes.

3 comments:

illbred said...

please post again k. your fans are begging for more.

Paul said...

This is funny stuff!

I'm a youth minister, and have worked youth camps for going on 7 years... you hit the nail on the head!

DH said...

I've seen the exact phenomenon with the overt Christian kids at my school, and I know what you mean about the fad.

However, I'd like to stop you if your post intended to denigrate the sandals themselves.
If you're saying Chacos are impractical and inappropriate for urban or business use, I more or less agree with you. But coming from an avid hiker, believe me when I say these sandals are a blessing in a neo-yuppie, somewhat tacky disguise. I'm tempted to use them on a rock climbing wall to see how they work out, because they have yet to fail me on some fairly rocky trails (obviously during the warm months). They're also wicked comfortable for long periods of wear, so I could see how one might start wearing them in normal life after using them in the outdoors. I know that your post is an indictment of the phenomenon of wearing the sandals and not particularly the shoes themselves, but don't knock them until you've tried them (in the appropriate size, for at least three weeks).