Sunday, December 14, 2008

#3 Chacos


Part sandal part hiking shoe---all sexy.

Hip Young Christians always feel the need to go against the grain--by emulating each other and passing it off as originality.

According to my records, Chacos blew onto the scene in the late summer/fall of 2007. I was working at a Young Life camp doing a week of manual labor just outside of Colorado Springs. The first morning I was lounging outside of the dining hall, lamenting another day of lacquering window frames, when all of the sudden some of my male commarades come stomping strap-ons.

As I gaze onto the rugged mountains that are our fate for the week, I can't help but wonder..."WHAT THE FUCK?"

Hip young christians love Chacos. As a rational person you are probably already wondering how this brand continues to thrive and exist, but I challenge you--next time you are at a coffee shop or an Invisible Children screening, look down. At least 65% of the people will be wearing Chacos.

HYCs are very defensive of their expensive and impractical choice of footgear. Some common word vomit:

(disclamer-- I have heard all of these excuses personally)

1. Bro, they're just so practical...its like a foot mullet! Best of both worlds! (cue high-five)
2. They're light and comfortable! (false)
3. They go with everything (false, they look shiteous with everything)
4. They have a lifetime warranty! (with $20 s&h and a 6 week wait)
5. They're practical! (no)
6. They're cute! (see item #3)

A final note on my Chaco rant:

Guys--with the acquisition of Chacos comes the acquisition of responsibility. I implore you, if you must make this mistake, TAKE CARE OF YOUR TOES/FEET. You will not score a wife or a super-trendy girlfriend with ashy, calloused feet and toe nails fit for weaponry.

Girls--please, please, please, no Chacos at church. It's just tacky. Just stick with your exruciatingly preplanned pew runway outfit and leave the Chacos for summer camp, where we all make certain forgiveable mistakes.