Wednesday, June 25, 2008

#1 Getting Married

Nothing says, "I love you" like a couple of 20 year old kids tying the knot and toasting their holy matrimony with a nice class of sparkling cider. But hold up, we can't get too crazy--- we have class tomorrow!

Indeed, getting married when you have yet to rent your own apartment and are still on your parents health insurance is absurd to most, but it is a strange phenomenon in the hip, young Christian culture, and it is best understood in terms of what it represents:

1) Young marriage means that you are grown, responsible, and permissibly boring. No more pretending to have fun at themed parties, because well, you are married.

2) Young marriage means that you have (by all accounts) waited until your wedding night to lose your virginity. Having your virginity is highly coveted in the HYC culture, because it shows that you have "followed God's plan", while at the same time providing a way for you to compare yourself to other HYCs, thereby gaining status. 

Nothing more than a glorified prom, these weddings are quite bizarre to someone not familiar with the HYC culture. There are typically about 12 bridesmaids and groomsmen,  a HYC minister, and usually a daring color scheme, because, golly, we're so young after all! Receiving an invitation to a HYC wedding is a prized achievement in HYC culture, as it means that you are now ready to start your own search for your child bride/groom. 

At the reception, the bridal party WILL be an hour late, and will generally try to spice up their entrance with the use of song and light. Think of the way a high school basketball team is announced and enters a game, and you will be on course with the HYC way. There will be plenty of sparkling cider for everyone, and dancing, OH the dancing! Since most of the people attending a HYC wedding (sometimes even the bride and groom) are under 21, there isn't the drunken revelry that is usual at a normal wedding, so this is why dancing takes over as that needed ice breaker. Wedding reception dancing provides a way for HYCs to do three of the things they covet the most:

1) Being acceptably sexually charged and borderline skeezy
2) Find a potential husband/wife
3) Organized dancing (Cha Cha Slide, Electric Slide, Macarena, Soulja Boy,  Chicken Dance, etc)

After the reception, the HYCs will slowly leave the venue, not willing to give up on their night of sexually expressive mate searching, and lament to others in the early morning light of the parking lot that they hope one day they will find, "the one", but for now are just "following God's plan". 

There are NO EXCEPTIONS. Every HYC wants to get married, ASAP.

1 comment:

Liza said...

So true, I actually just found out a friend of mine is getting married in August and she just turned 20 in March.

P.S. Keep posting!